How Radical Acceptance Helps Transform You Into the Media Icon Version of Yourself

Radical acceptance isn’t about pretending that everything is fine, but accepting that there are some things you can control and not others.

The coaches and experts who get the best results with PR are the ones who don’t avoid risks, but who have enough self trust to be know that they will be OK regardless. And who stay focused on what they CAN control- what they say, do, how they show up and whether or not they keep moving forwards 🔥

This is the topic of conversation in today’s episode of Dauntless PR Unfiltered- How Radical Acceptance Helps Transform You Into the Media Icon Version of Yourself 

Take our Media Icon Archetype Quiz that shows you the media version of you 🤩

Shows you exactly how your energy lands best in the media and how to use that to your advantage.

Click here - https://dauntlesspr.com/dauntless-pr-personality-quiz

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to Dauntless PR Unfiltered. What we're going to talk about today is how radical acceptance can help you to transform into a media icon.

SPEAKER_00 0:13

So those of you, some of you who might know a lot about mental health, might have heard this phrase before. For other people, this might be a completely new thing. So the way I would describe radical acceptance is kind of accepting. Sometimes there are things, there are situations, there's stuff in life that you don't like that are not that you want to fight against, you want to change, but you can't. It's just something that exists that you don't like. And actually just saying, do you know what? I'm going to accept it because I can't change it. I'm going to accept it and I'm going to focus on myself. How do I get through this? How do I move forward? It might be depending on what the situation is. Say you had, I'm thinking of it not necessarily in a PR thing, but say you had a meeting with somebody, or maybe an interview if it's and you're really not enjoying it, sometimes just thinking, it's okay, this is terrible, but I'm going to get through it. Time will continue to move. I will get there. It will be over soon. It sounds completely unrelated to PR, but most things in life, I think, actually do have. So the reason why we're saying it helped is because one of the big things people often struggle with when they become visible is that things don't always go their way. Things are not always in your control. Things are not always comfortable. Things are not always fun. Things are not always easy. And sometimes just accepting the things you cannot change does yourself a huge favor because then you can focus on actually continuing to move towards your goals and getting to where you want to be and remembering why you were doing it in the first place, which I think is so important. That it's not about the individual tiny little things that might come up, it's about moving towards your goal, which is to be more visible, to known, to actually be a media icon and be the kind of person that people come to to talk about your area of expertise.

SPEAKER_01 2:30

You know what? I love this conversation, right? Because something that I find, and and something we would never ever do at Dauntless is to pretend that PR and visibility is easy. So this is something that drives me mad online when I see some posts like claiming that it's easy. It's not, but neither is obscurity. So we get to pick which hard we go for, don't we? So it's something I find a lot is that people will go to great lengths, and I completely get why this happens. It's not because they're weak or anything like that, it's because they care so deeply. But what happens is they're so afraid of being misrepresented, misinterpreted of somebody perceiving them in the wrong way that they don't let themselves be seen at all. And they have like this push-pull, they have this pull that they want to go into the spotlight, and then they have like a push away from it because, oh, but what if now I'm not perceived in the right way, or what if they mix up what I'm trying to say, or take out of context, or all of these things, or what if it ends up being accidentally off-brand, or something like that? And then in avoiding rather than going into radical acceptance and just accepting that not everything is going to go their way, and actually the thing to focus on is self-trust. It's building that self-trust so that they know whatever does happen, that they can handle it. That is the only way that they can keep moving forward. Shit is going to happen. People are going to misinterpret what you say, people are going to misunderstand. Because you can't control the lens that they're looking through. It blows it blows my mind. We're all looking at situations, aren't we? Depending on the conditioning that we've had, the experiences that we've had, what we've been taught. Everything that we've experienced in all of our life, things that we don't even remember, and all of that contributes to how we perceive some things. So not everybody is going to perceive you in the same way. Some things are just out of our control. Our responsibility is to keep showing up and being true to ourselves at full volume.

SPEAKER_00 5:01

And this is the thing that there is no way, no matter there's no thing you could say or thing you could do that would make everybody like you. And I think that's a huge thing that we learn as we get older, that people kind of suddenly go, do you know what? Not everybody is going to like me. But I feel like becoming more visible shines a light more on that. And so even people that might have accepted that in their personal life, like, oh, not everyone's going to be my best friend, suddenly it becomes a little bit strange again because they're like, Oh, but I thought everyone would think I was amazing. And some people don't agree with what I'm saying, or some people don't like what I said in this article or on this podcast. But this is the thing, of course they don't, because we're all different. So if you think from your own perspective, there will be somebody. Visualize the person in your head if you want to, like that you don't like, but you know other people who think they're great. And it's not that the person is terrible, you just don't gel with them. And you're going to be that person for somebody else. You're going to be the person that they just don't gel with. They don't agree, maybe they don't agree with your opinions or your views, and that's fine. That's okay. That's not something to stress about. Because actually, if everybody agreed, it would be a fact and not an opinion. It wouldn't, it's only an opinion because you can disagree with it. So when people have this kind of view of, well, how can they disagree with me? Well, if it's a viewpoint, of course they can, because the whole point of a viewpoint is that you can see it from a different perspective. So one of the best things, because when I when I'm talking about radical acceptance, by the way, I'm not saying that that means you should accept every single thing in your life and not try and change it. That's absolutely the case. So, like, this is the stuff you cannot change. This is not the things like where actually a little bit of tweaking, and yet you could sort this problem out. That this is for things that are situations that are out of your control, you cannot change, but that could cause you quite a lot of pain. So it could be quite painful for you. Maybe it's something, say, for example, a good thing that might, you know, way that this could be used is say you had a piece, it goes out everywhere, and it's talking about something that's really important to you, and it's sharing your story, and you say lots of stuff, and you are really happy with the piece itself. But underneath this piece are a load of trolls saying a load of nonsense. Now, you did what you wanted to do, which was the interview and saying your story and sharing your things, and you did it because you knew that your story needed to be told, that people needed to hear what you had to say, that that might help people, it might share a story that might resonate with people, it might raise awareness of things, depending on what it is. You know, there'll be all sorts of like mini goals within your bigger goal, which is to kind of raise your visibility. So you've done that, and it took you hopefully a step closer to your vision of what you want to achieve. But within that, something bad has happened, which is that a load of people have come, they've said some negative things now. Some people, and there's no criticism or judgment from me about this because I completely know that it feels like such a slap in the face when somebody comes and says something negative when you've been open and you've shared and you've been vulnerable. Some people will allow these trolls to take the power from them because they will see that as a reason. Oh, you know, oh, I shouldn't do that. People didn't like what I said, or people, people came and they they said I didn't look very nice on that picture. And it can really cause people a lot of pain, a lot of, I'd go so far as to say trauma for some people. It can be quite traumatic if they allow it to sit heavily on them. Where I would see something like radical acceptance is accepting that there are people in the world who, no matter what you do or what you say, how they get their kicks, what they do to probably distract themselves from their own terrible lives, is they criticize other people. They come on and they make comments. If you accept that that is part of the present world that we live in, and we cannot individually just change the fact that people go and troll people on the internet. It's something we don't like, it's something that maybe we can speak out against and say, like, oh, we should be ignoring keyboard worries. We don't have to accept it in a I like it and I think this is great, but we can say in this present moment, I can't do anything about the fact that people online will say stuff I don't like. People online will misunderstand what I am trying to say, or they will make judgments about me based on their own prejudices and their own viewpoints, and that is something that I do not like. I do not accept in the sense of it's great, it's okay, I love it, but it just that is as it is. It's one of those it is what it is kind of moments, isn't it? Am I gonna and then asking yourself, am I gonna allow that to take me off the path that I'm on? Or am I going to say, okay, that's that I I am just accepting that that happens and I cannot do anything about it. And it's that this leans a little bit into any of you that know what let them theory from Mel Robins. It's like look, if that's how they get their kicks, let them. If all they can do in that day, if their creativity, you know, you might be writing a book, you might be like hosting your own podcast or you know, changing people's lives, what they're doing is saying a woman looks fat on social media, or telling you that they think you're bonkers and they don't agree with what your expertise is in. That's the only thing that they've got got going for them. Let them burn themselves out online. Like, don't let that influence you, because what you won't see is the people who are hearing your message and actually taking it on board because most of those people are not going to be reacting online, they are going to be thinking about what you've said, they might be remembering some of their own stories, perhaps, if it's something that resonates with them, and actually maybe they're taking some hope or inspiration. Maybe they'll be going onto a website or they might come onto your social media and follow you and start engaging with you. Then you'll find the people that reach out to you directly will often be the people who have taken what you say in the way you intended. The people who are doing the knee-jerk negative things, they're not going to come and find you because they're too cowardly. They're just going to be arguing around in the comments because to them you are not a real person. You are a spectacle for them to react to. Your entertainment, you are as real to them as a character in a soap opera, where they might go, Oh, why is that person cheating on their husband again? Or, oh, I think that person should get together. You're a character to them, you're not a real person, they haven't thought it through. The second they've left that comment, they've forgotten you exist, they've moved on to the next person. So that's it. Don't let these people who are just probably leaving hundreds of comments. I bet if you stopped, you could actually find one of these people, they wouldn't even remember half of the things they said, maybe not even 10% of the things they said. And that's obviously one very specific example, but it's completely where actually, can you change this situation? Is this going to potentially hold you back? And if it is, then actually no. Let's part that to the side and stick to the goal, which is continuing doing what you're doing. Don't let the things you cannot change stop you from continuing with what you want to do. And I think you'll find any iconic person that you can think of. So going back to this kind of media icon, think of somebody that you really admire who is really visible, has done an amazing job. And then think have they ever had critical things said about them? Have they ever had things not go their way? Maybe they've had some negative stories or some gossip about them. They absolutely will have done, but they have just carried on anyway, and they've not let that hold them back. So I always think so someone I really admire. So I really love Michelle Obama. Well, she must have had so many negative things said about her, and so many people who don't agree with her politically or just in general don't like her message or don't like her as a person, but that doesn't take away from her being an inspirational person because she isn't going to be right for everybody. Some people might think who even listening to this podcast might be like, oh, what a terrible example. That wouldn't be who I'd pick. And you'll have somebody else in your mind. And that's the great thing that we don't all like the same people, and we don't have to, and we shouldn't try to.

SPEAKER_01 14:59

That reminds me of somebody said to me once, this was years ago now, when I was struggling with some trolling, I remember somebody saying to me, like, think of somebody who you think is absolutely amazing, who's in the public eye, who nobody could possibly have an issue with, and then go and look up if they have a hate group against them. They do. And so I did that. I was like, this person, oh yes, we hate whoever it is. Yes. It happens for everyone. And people will create meaning, won't they? When they're being trolled and stuff, they'll create meaning when there really isn't any. When all it was for that troll was like something that gives them a bit of entertainment for whatever reason that they felt prompted to do that. But for that person, they can carry it around with them. Like it's not like that troll is following them and analyzing everything that they're doing and what they're doing. Nobody is doing that, analyzing every tiny thing and action and everything that they're doing, unless they're in the royal family. But people will be afraid of that. Like they'll they'll be afraid of saying something that could have them cancelled, and that means that they're not going into their full expression, which means that their actual people aren't finding them because they're too afraid of like being cancelled or something happening where they they won't be able to handle it. So the key is finding that radical acceptance and that the self-trust that they need to know that they can handle it. We we would never say that these things won't happen. What we will say is that you you can absolutely handle it. You can absolutely think of everything, think of, right? Everything that you have done already to get to where you are today. Think of it every time you've been knocked down and you've had to get back up, and you when you thought it was all over and you're still here, you're still standing, you're still shouting.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

Just remember who the fuck you are. And I think one of the big things to remember as well that PR can feel like a risk, it can be a risk, but not all risks are bad. It's a positive risk. It can have a really so for some people, they'd be like, oh, well, if there's a chance that people are going to say horrible things about me and and this, like, why would I do it? Well, actually, think about the alternative, which is actually nobody has any opinion on you at all because nobody even knows you exist. Nobody cares that you exist. Is that a better view if people genuinely couldn't think of anything to say about you? Because actually, there's nothing to say about you. You are completely neutral and bland. You say and do nothing of note that anybody could comment on, and nobody dislikes you, but also nobody really likes you either because no one has any sort of opinion, they don't remember you, you are a faceless person in a crowd that has no nothing at all to do with their life. I think that is also, I mean, particularly in business, that's a huge risk. Because how would you run a business being like that? How would you build your brand? So I see PR as when you're letting go of some of the control. That's not to say you have no say. Obviously, you have control of what you say, what you put out there, you have control over lots of things. You can't control everything, but it's a positive risk that can bring you big results, huge visibility, build your credibility, build your authority. The flip side to the doing the opposite is the risk that actually your business is never going to really get to where you want it to be because actually you're playing it so safe and you're playing it really small. So when we think about say, we often staying at home, wrapped in a blanket, not really keeping ourselves in our comfort zone. And then there can be days where that is what we need. We need that kind of oh, let's shout the world. But that's not a business strategy, is it? That's not building your brand strategy. Even the fact that you started a business in the first place was a risk because actually there'll be lots of people that would have said, just get a nice job straight from school and stay in that job for as long as you possibly can until you retire and just stay. Stay in the same place you grew up, stay with the same people, stay in the same job, don't try anything new because there's a little bit of a risk. Just start. Stay. I mean, this is Luana's worst nightmare, would be this, but you know, and that so anybody who is even thinking about PR has tried anything to do with PR, you are already a risk, you are already someone who has actively chosen not to stay in that little safe bubble of I'm just gonna exist in this world without making any ripples, without doing anything that is gonna challenge myself or others. So actually, PR is the obvious step for people who have already taken a risk to do what they're doing, do what they love, follow their purpose, actually get, you know, think about the things that your aims are in your business. And most of, if not all of you, you will have had to take some sort of financial, emotional, some sort of risk to just do that. You maybe you gave up a job a day job to do it, maybe you took out a business loan. There is huge risks involved in everything. It's about embracing that as a positive, so it's not seeing that as a bad thing. I mean, Luana's the living, breathing example of positive risk taking in that when she said she was moving to Thailand, there was part of me that was like, wow, I can't believe you're doing that. That seems a big risk, but you know, it's weighing it off, isn't it? And thinking, what does this mean to me and will this get me to where I want to go? And the entire point of the business is called Dauntless because we want people to have that bravery, and sometimes that can be powering through the shit and getting to the other side. Sometimes it can be saying yes to something that scares you, it can be saying yes to something that is a little bit scary. So, say for example, if you had a TV show that you absolutely like let's like Drew Barrymore, she's got like a A show that lots of people would love to go on. And if she was to ring you right now and be like, could you be on my show tomorrow? You would absolutely feel terrified, even if that was your goal, because your and your brain would come up with, but what if we can't get there? Oh, but have I got something else on? Maybe I'm getting my hair done, or maybe I've got an appointment, or who would look after the kids? And it'll come up with all these reasons, which are things that can be dealt with. You can get through these things. But the goal of you sort of saying, Oh, I'd love to be on this show, people will often actually forget the end goal because they will get so caught up with the scared things. So it's about remembering. Did you really want this? I mean, I've come across lots of examples of people initially trying to talk themselves out of it and then having to have us say to them, but this is what you wanted. So why are you talking yourself out of it? And usually most people will go, actually, yeah, you're right. No, I do want this. But it and that's at every level. Doesn't matter if you've been on TV a hundred times, if you finally get an interview with the person that you really, really admire, the fears are gonna come up. You know, I would imagine, you know, Oprah suddenly wanted to do like a kind of special TV special where she was interviewing you, even if you were someone who felt like you were extremely media sorry, that those fears are gonna come up. There are gonna be situations where you're gonna be like, Am I ready? But the point is that to be the person you are on the path to being, it you sometimes have to just embrace that risk. Say yes to these opportunities, and uh know that uh it will it will all work out, it will be fine. It peeps people may say things, people may kind of like I say, you might get trolled, you might not get trolled, these things, none of these things are certainties. The certainty is what you do, what you say, and that's the only thing you can control in life. So it's like if you can make sure that what you are saying is true to your purpose and what your aims are, and you're speaking to your audience, then everything else will fall into place.

SPEAKER_01 24:31

It just takes a little bit of bravery to get there, completely, and it's so easy as well to get to focus on the what if, what if this happens, what if that happens. I think it's quite easy sometimes to forget the absolute power of visibility, what could be more powerful than you if you imagine a little stanky little troll now going and leaving comments saying, Oh, I don't like your hair or whatever else they've got on their mind that day. And if you imagine all the effort that they're going to to post all of those little horrible comments, and then if you think about how many people you can talk to in one shot, if you just talk to a journalist and get your message out there, and then that message can literally reach millions. Imagine if that little troll was trying to reach millions, how long it would take them. Visibility gives you massive power, it changes how people perceive you, it changes how you perceive yourself. Yeah, and I just would never, never ever do without it. Like it seems like yeah, it's choose your hard, either visible hard or obscurity hard.

SPEAKER_00 25:47

I know which one I'm gonna go for every time. Absolutely. There is no, it's like with anything, anything that's worth doing is gonna be hard. If you are running a business, you have to choose between the am I just gonna stay very safe where only people I know in real life know I exist, or am I gonna launch myself and go bigger? And neither of those options are easy ones because staying small isn't easy either. Um it's not there will be different problems, there'll be different things that worry you, you're just choosing a different set, which you're drawn to, yeah, and whichever you choose is completely fine. So on that note, I was just about to say, uh remember as well that trolls aren't visible, and that's one of the big things I wish I'd said earlier that the troll itself is not visible, they are attacking you because you are visible, but you can bet they are not using their real picture, they're not using their real name. So, why would you let these invisible people make you invisible? But yeah, so I will quickly say that and then Oh, well, great point. Well, that is a great one to finish 100%.

SPEAKER_01 26:53

Right. Oh, juicy one today. Any questions, any comments? We always love to hear from you. Email us hello at dauntlesspr.com. I will see you next time.